hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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