Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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