I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
