That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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