I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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