Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
