just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
