I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Quick, to the slutcave!
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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