fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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