how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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