if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
