Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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