i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
