The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
