Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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