so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
