I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
