he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
