Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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