Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
