she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
