sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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