It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
