I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
