Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
