Don't make out with my wife yet
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
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