it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
