There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You took a bar mat shot.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
