maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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