bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
This is my life. Enjoy the view
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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