Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
