why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
