just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
