I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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