I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
