Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
