I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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