I need help removing her.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Bring me that man meat
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
