Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
