Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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