Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
