i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
