honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Where are you guys?
Drunk
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
