Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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