i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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