Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He uses pillows to masturbate.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Randomize
