I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
