i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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