Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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