I'm so fucking centered right now
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
