My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
