The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Then you guys just all showered together...?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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